101 Things You're Not Allowed to Do in Hogwarts
by Imaginewhirledpeas
Summary: A list of things may be funny, but they are not allowed.


Hello good friends! Today I will be diving into the deep wonder that is the list fiction. I am sorry to those lists I may take ideas from, you just inspire me so. So now enjoy…

101 Things That You're Not Allowed to Ever Do in Hogwarts

1. Put post-it notes on all the furniture marking it yours.

2. Use post-it notes to cover your bits then come downstairs naked.

3. Use a hose on the girls' stairs and play Water Park.

4. Play a game of strip hangman with the first-years

5. Or any other years

6. Yell at Harry for taking the condoms out of your purse

7. Then tell him to make Draco steal some from Snape

8. Then make hints that the three have lewd threesomes

9. Then say that Snape needs to use a condom so he doesn't get pregnant again

10. Then continue saying that he and Flitwick weren't careful enough.

11. Ask Snape if he would rub sun tan lotion on your back.

12. Then ask him if you could get a happy ending.

13. Install a trampoline and a fire pole so that boys can freely visit girls.

14. Run, screaming from the room that you broke a nail.

15. Put the moves on the Fat Lady.

16. Put the moves on Filch.

17. Ask Dumbledore if the carpet matches the drapes.

18. Ask Ron if he fantasizes about Hermione.

19. Ask Ron if he fantasizes about Harry.

20. Or Neville.

21. Ask Fred and George if they do twincest.

22. Ask them if they would do it for a galleon.

23. Describe in graphic detail what twincest is for first-years

24. Organize a troop of house elves to dance to Sexy Back during lunch.

25. Call Draco's dad Luscious Mouthful.

26. Mistake Pansy Parkinson for Crabbe.

27. Or Goyle.

28. Or Umbridge.

29. Kiss Umbridge and expect a prince.

30. Order sex toys to the school in Snape's name.

31. Go to class naked.

32. Or to meals.

33. Or Hagrid's.

34. Install a stripper pole in the dorms

35. Or McGonagall's classroom.

36. Attempt to put dollar bills into McGonagall's skirt.

37. Or try to pull down her skirt

38. Or just ask her to strip.

39. Lick your lips when staring at Snape.

40. Or eating bananas.

41. Give yourself a facial at the table.

42. Try to use 'wood' jokes on Oliver Wood.

43. Try to polish other people's wands.

44. Try to "polish other people's wands"

45. Get a pair of glasses like Professor Trelawney

46. Tell her that they make you feel sexy

47. Then tell her that she makes you feel sexy

48. Then attempt to give her a lap-dance.

49. Give any teacher a lap dance.

50. Organize a school wide "Snape Loves Hugs Day."

51. Or a "Hit on a Ravenclaw Day"

52. Or a "Transgender Thursday"

53. Wax your legs during History of Magic.

54. Wax your sleeping neighbors' legs during History of Magic.

55. Rewrite Professor Binns' notes so that they include action.

56. Or smut.

57. Or animal noises.

58. Say the word 'moist' in the presence of Ginny.

59. Play a round of "Guess the Bra Size"

60. Ask first-years if they prefer Twinkies or doughnuts.

61. Ask first-years if they want an Australian kiss.

62. Steal a house elf to be a jester

63. Make countless innuendoes about broomsticks and balls.

64. Put a stuffed spider on Ron's bed.

65. Ask Hermione if the carpet matches the drapes, then ask if she slicked that down for the Yule Ball as well.

66. Put a signed photo of Voldemort next to Harry's bed

67. Ask Hagrid to give you a 'length' estimate

68. Breathe loudly. Very loudly.

69. Ask Fred if he's on top or bottom.

70. Do it when George is in the room and wink at him.

71. Ask Hermione if Crookshanks is really a cat and not Professor McGonagall in diguise.

72. Tell Luna she makes you hot.

73. Tell Filch that Ms. Norris, Crookshanks, and Professor McGonagall were having a cat threesome

74. Tell him that he is bigger than Crookshanks; down there.

75. Use house elves to explain different sexual acts to first-years

76. Declare "Grind a Gryffindor Day"

77. Ask if today's potion can be used for sexual lubricant.

78. Tell everyone you are Voldemort's brother

79. Or sister

80. Or lover

81. Or Master

82. Or are Voldemort himself.

83. Then attack Harry with a branch

84. Lick all the food on the plates around you so that noone will eat you friends.

85. Give Neville a high-five and say "Nice one."

86. Say that you are related to Godric Gryffindor and that is why your sword is so amazing.

87. Say that you are Salazaar Slytherin and you put your basilisk into the Chamber of Secrets.

88. Try to eat a ghost

89. Or every book in the library

90. Or Dumbledore's hat.

91. Sing Alejandro to Seamus Finnegan while he is in the shower.

92. Tell Dean Thomas he is chocolatey and delicious.

93. Bite Dean

94. Grind Snape

95. Ask Snape if he would give you a bath

96. Run after Snape with shampoo yelling "Even the Dark Lord agrees your hair is disgustingly greasy and gross!"

97. Ask if his penis is suspended in a jar behind his desk

98. Write a song about your illicit affairs with the Giant Squid

99. Tell everyone that you are why Moaning Myrtle moans

100. Scream everytime says the word 'magic'

101. These are not challenges. Do not attempt to do them all.


End file.
